There are two types of women that I usually work with: those who are so specific about “their list” that they miss out on lots of amazing men and those who are so afraid to say “no” to someone that they end up wasting time on go-nowhere dates.
The question that seems to keep coming up for my clients this week is “How do I know I know if he’s a good match for me?” I’ve heard from many women this week who are having trouble looking at a dating profile and deciding whether or not the dude is worth a date. So, I want to help all the wayward women out there who are starting at profile after profile wondering what to look for.
It’s awkward being judged, yet when you sign up for a dating site that is exactly what you are signing up for. Men are going to stare at your boobs, check out your legs and decide whether you are the kind of girl they will be able to sleep with on a first date or if you’re more of a take-home-to-mom type just based on your pictures. Conversely, you are also in the position to judge them just as harshly. If you are worried that you are making the wrong call and you feel like you have chosen poorly in the past, these are 3 signs that he’s not a good match for you and you should throw this fish back into the digital sea.
- HIS PICTURES DIDN’T EXCITE YOU – First, let me say that I don’t believe in love at first sight. However, I do believe in intrigue at first sight. If his pictures don’t make you visualize yourself in his arms, or raise a question that you’d want to discuss with him on a date, or at least pique your interest, stop right there. Character and chemistry is important in a relationship but even if he’s not going to be on the cover of GQ any time soon, you still should feel something when you look at his photos.
- HE’S ON YOUR DEAL-BREAKER LIST – One of the first things I do with clients is have them make a list of must-haves and a list of deal-breakers. These are the values you hold most dear. If he has a quality on your deal-breaker list, the conversation is over. That’s why it’s called a deal-breaker. No deal. So many times I see women have something like smoking on their deal-breaker list and then they see a smolderingly handsome guy who is “trying to quit” and they say go out with him anyway only to find that 1, 2 or 30 months down the road he has no intentions of quitting smoking and the smell of him makes her physically sick. Save yourself the drama and stick to your convictions.
- HE IS SORTA-KINDA STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP – You deserve someone who is fully committed to you so be wary of labels like “it’s complicated” or “separated” on a dating site or social media page. Men often look for a new relationship as a way out of the first one that isn’t working so well anymore so, unless you want to be the one standing on the sidelines when he finds someone new the next time, let him fully end his first relationship before he can have the privilege of spending time with you.
Being open to the man coming in a different size, shape or color can help you make a match but you should never compromise who you are or what you want just to be with a man. As long as you look for these 3 signs that he’s not a good match for you, try to keep an open mind when setting a first date.
If you’re a victim of first date failure, check out my free report on the 7 Simple Steps for a Flawless First Date.